Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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