You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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