They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
