I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
