we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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