Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
