I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
