you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
