The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
