There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
