he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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