just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize