We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
