We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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