what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
