there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
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rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
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Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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