There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
