Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize