so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
