Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
