Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
