he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
