u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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