Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
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so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
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guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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