So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
This is my life. Enjoy the view
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
