I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
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i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
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He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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