just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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