Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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