So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
