Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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