Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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