rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Someone signed my nipple.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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