6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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