I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
