drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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