I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize