oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
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Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
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this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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