I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
