No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
