our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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