My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
