What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
