shes about as inviting as chlamydia
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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