Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
