Sry I called you an 8
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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