Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
