I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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