I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
