oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
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Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
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I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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