Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Enjoy the penises
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
