We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
