I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
