finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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