Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
