Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
