new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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