Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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