living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
