Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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