I want to make a zoo with you.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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