The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
