I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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