My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
