He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
