we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize