It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
