oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
